Behind the smile is a hurting heart, behind the smile lies a world of pain nobody can ever know, behind the smile is everything you’ll probably not understand about me, behind the smile is sadness and heartache. Each heart has pain, only the expression is different. Some hide it in their eyes and others hide it behind their smile.
I know I wear my smile bright and perfect all the time but deep down I sometimes suffer in silence and hope somebody loves me enough to notice and reassure me everything will be fine. How do I even go about explaining my deepest thoughts and feelings when I can barely make sense of them myself? In the words of Issa Rae, I want to fast forward to the point in my life where everything is ok. But maybe I might be delusional to assume that I would be happy if I eventually get what I want. Perhaps for a moment, yes. But it is impossible to cease wanting more. Desire is part of our nature. And without gratitude in the process, between desire and its fulfilment, life becomes a series of long miserable journeys with short happy endings.
Pain is a necessity in the human experience. Whether we are willing to accept it or not, the truth is God sometimes puts us through crashing pain so we come out better versions of ourselves at the end of it. We need the pain to provide a contrast for pleasure; without it, life becomes dull, boring, and downright undesirable. Evidence suggests that pain enhances the pleasure and happiness we derive from life. There is no such thing as change without pain, no growth without discomfort. That’s why it is impossible to become someone new without first grieving the loss of who you used to be. Pain is the currency of our values. Without the pain of loss, it becomes impossible to determine the value of anything at all. Every bit of pain that you’ve experienced in your life is currency… whether you acknowledge it or not.
Never try to make sense of crushing pain whiles u are in it. You have to focus on surviving it not understanding it. Sometimes the crushing is so intense, personal, and deep that you have to look back to understand why u had to go through it. What we don’t realize is that it’s exactly the pain we had that made us who we are. It is the weight that opposes u in the weight room that builds muscle. When life resists you, you get stronger and wiser. And you turn into something that can last. Crushing pain is meant to be a guide through the wilderness of our lives.
Faith rises despite fear and feelings and it does what it needs to do. You don’t get to choose what comes at you. You just have to respond the best way you can. I’m writing this to anybody who has ever suffered through anything, anytime, or anywhere in their life. Whether it was physical, emotional, or psychological. I write this to say, I feel you, I got you and I understand you and there is something beyond that so hold on. And if you be consistent with God and pick yourself up always, you shall prevail.
P. S: When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light