ADULTING BY CALEB SEGBEFIA (DEEJAY)

I probably shouldn’t be awake at this time; I’m tucked comfortably under the duvet on my bed wondering why? It’s a very cold night and I have work early in the morning but sleep is currently out of the coverage area and my body is confusing the hell out of me. My stomach starts growling and I’m moving from left to right trying to sleep.  My thoughts begin to creep in and I start thinking about how hard being an adult is and all the shenanigans that come with it.

Growing up I believe we all wanted to become adults way early. It meant more freedom, making our own decisions (but hoping we were always bailed out by our parents), and most definitely living a carefree life. We could be bosses and most importantly spend as much time as we wanted to hang with our friends.  Nobody would know better than us and nobody would dare question our decisions but apparently, I could not have been more wrong.

Adulting is the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult. It means more responsibility which we all hate (who doesn’t anyway) and is expected to fulfill them on time. Being strategic with our life decisions, learning to live with the consequences of our actions, and what kills me more is not having the time of our lives with our friends all the time because we’re all struggling with the same kind of issues and feeling just as challenged.

In this day and age of COVID, chaos, social media, and a high standard of living, it’s way harder than ever to be an adult. No wonder my generation is having trouble adulting isn’t feeling adequate and has no idea how to begin. Being in charge of your own life seems exciting until you realize the real world is a mixture of daunting and terrifying decision-making all the time. Being an adult is a complex and anxiety-filled task.

Decisions that seemed easier when we were young are no longer black and white and every choice, we have to make seems frightening.  Between work demands, commutes, societal pressures of dating or marriage or children, the responsibilities of being an adult can be very overwhelming, stressful, and chaotic-making it feels like you’re just barely keeping it together as you go along. When you add anxiety, depression, and unresolved childhood trauma that you may be dealing with, adulting can be especially hard.

Even if you had the most wonderful, healthy, functional relationship models in your parents, it is a struggle to figure out the dating and relationship scene in these times. Most of us know how to fall in love, how to be infatuated, how to daydream over new love, but when the fires of passion die down, we struggle with comes next: how to cohabitate with another human being day after day, year after year, trying to love them, and trying to resolve differences while putting up with quirks, preferences, triggers, and weirdness.

Most of us are taking this whole adulting process a day at a time and just figuring things out as we go. Society should stop the constant badgering and pressure on us (particularly women). Whether this is marriage, children, career, buying a home, etc., hitting self-defined goals for many of us, becomes more pressing than on any other date. This whole adulting process is really hard, stressful, and confusing. It doesn’t even come with any guidelines or manual. It is our sole responsibility as adults to define what gives our life meaning. We’re going to make a lot of mistakes along the way but eventually, we will get there.